54chevysouls' mind

My boyfriend proposed to me on January 13th. Of course I said yes and I love everything that he has to offer me and everything that he is. He is my future, my comfort, my home, my family. I enjoy not only the wonderful sex he gives me (verrrry satisfactory and amazing) not only that he gets me ( and that he likes flat buffalo wings and I like the drumsticks) Not only that we eat the same foods and the same beer. Not the way we both yearn for normality and comfort. Not the fact that I can see him as the father of my children (Thomas Robson and Rebbecca Robson)I love him down to his toes(which aren't sexy) and I love the way he giggles when I tickle him. I love the way he loves when I get him chocolate milk. I love him for his hugs in the mornings and his kisses all the time. I love the woman he makes me feel and the man that I make him. We have both grown in the last couple of months and I am so glad that we are a COUPLE who has a future and a present.
I love you Brian (you are my shnookum-belly-fish)

Love,
Brandy Autumn Treloar-(Robson) (soon..)

I am going to do a photo set of Murderbear. I will take pictures of him in random spots... Ithis requires carrying a bear with me everywhere I go...Murderbear.

Hope I don't get in a bad accident or I will have some explaining to do.

I woke up and had wonderful morning sex.My brother came over at lunchtime and we ate ice cream cake (The only kind I really like). I was off of my diet on my birthday because I needed a day off. So I got my cake and ate it too. I also ate cheetos that turn your mouth blue!
I bought a 10 gallon fish tank with money given to me by my uncle and by my father. I got home..assembled it...and the filter was broken so We had to run back to walmart for ANOTHER tank...refund retuen and stuff.

Brian (lovey duck) took me to duffs for dinner and I got to munch out (and eat bleu cheese!)damn I dont think we put the hot sauces in the fridge....

Set up tank with gravel,water,and decorations(it looks so epty now) waited for it to reach room temp.

I made us some awesomely strong frozen margaritas. I love my jose cuervo! they were great and buzzed us both with only one and a half cups each. We had more pre- and after-dinner sex. We played drunken "guess who" (he bought me the electronic set because it was necessary!!) and drunken jenga(I won) I know were dorks...but I get a kick out of playing dorky games when drunk.

I put on Micheal Jacksons thriller and tried to get him to dance it with me...but we were both wasted at this time and quit.

Then apparently we had some anal but I don't remember that...I was drinking goldshlager too...

I got cards from my dad,uncle, and from Brian. and a regular at work got me a card,fish decos,and a balloon (still playing with it)

I am hungover today and just vomited twice...but man...my birthday rocked. I think I shall remember this one...unlike the last one which sucked... and want to thank my Brian for helping me make it memorable...even though I can;t remember the ass-end of the night(pun definitely intended.) ohhh....and I act completely normal when blacked out...weird right?!


AND...I put Ghengis Khan(my betta) in the new tank today..his old tank was a gallon tank. The new one is 10 gallons. He looks so tiny and stays on the opposite end of the filter...a new bigger one. He doesn't like moving water that much...they can live in puddles...anyway..I have to buy him some lilies or something that floats on the top...he'll like that.

I am hungry so I think I'll eat....and hopefully not vomit again.

Buy Buy Buy...

~~~~~~~~~~~Regret Sans~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Memories fade into black.
Past walks and talks go deaf.
That was not me ago
I did not do all that.
Like a caterpillar in purgatory
I am doomed to change into a butterfly
and back-until whenever.
I have few memories
of sights and trees.
I tell you again-
Those couldn't be me's.
I am of the present-
I can plan for the future
(although karma/god takes hold and I am alone)
I am oblivious to most of my past.
A couple childhood memories
Some good- most bad.
A quiet winter storm.
A brilliant summer BBQ.
My mom without a belly button
My dads removed tail.
Lies-all lies
These memories of mine.
I have no regrets.

In the past year I have:
Changed boyfriends
Quit drugs
Quit smoking
Found love
Kept a fish.

Nothing more. nothing less. It is what it is.

Am I happy? Not at the moment. But I am alive. I do feel.

What more can I ask for? I breathe.

My 22nd birthday sucked. I realized that I can;t really remember most of it. I remember that I couldn't drink more than 2 22 ounce beers (I have advanced since then) and that I can't remember any specifics.

I am really hoping that this birthday will be better...


I want just one person...just one!!!! to say "thank you for being born!!" and I will be happy. Not just say it...but mean it.... just one person...


Will that happen? or more things that I will forget?


oh...and uncle john mailed me a birthday card " Are you thinking or the past years? or the years to come? or are ylou just looking at the clouds and seeing monsters?"

I am totally seeing monsters in the clouds. I love you uncle John and really hope yu like the shirt I made you.

www.mylivefacetwitter.com


T'would be awesome.

So I am on the special K diet...
Meal 1:Cereal for breakfast.(Fruit too if I want)
Meal 2: Another cup of cereal or a Special K meal bar.( Fruit too...)
Meal 3: Normal dinner...although I may switch so that my "normal" meal is lunch.. I work every day from 2pm-10pm so I have an odd schedual)
Snacks: As much fruits and veggies that I want( preferably raw) and up to 2 special K meal bars.

Beverages: Coffee( 4 sugars, 2 creams...I can't help it), Aqua-Full ( You add to water bottles...It makes you feel fuller so you eat less...also helps cravings. good tasting) and water. I have been limiting my alcohol (lots of calories and sugars) by having around 3 alcoholic drinks per day...which I achive by watching what I drink...I now put a dollar into the saving bottle(for vacations.buying a house) for every alcoholic drink I consume.

I'm staying away from packaged snacks( candy,chips...) although I need gum and mints because I just quit smoking 6 months ago (trying to better myself---but became an ?alcoholic?)

I am orally fixated which is why I have eating disorders and was why I smoked around two packs a day.


So here are my stats...I know I am big but admitting the problem is what I needed ...



HW: maybe 240
CW:222
LW: 180?

Goal 1: 200
Goal 2: 180
Goal weight: 170-180


I want to be healthy enough to donate my kidney to my uncle.
...so I will look good in all my clothes.
...so sex will be better.
...so I won't have to worry so much.
...so I won't get diabetes.
...so I can trade clothes with people.
...so I can fit into a wedding dress(someday) and not look like a marshmellow.


Any help is appreciated. Except people who are only out to degrade me.

Thanks,
Me

Cut 100 calories ... at breakfast

* Ditch the Pop-Tart for a slice of high-fiber toast with strawberry jam.
* Gotta have carbs? Split a bagel with a co-worker.
* Drink your two cups of joe black. Or order a single espresso instead of your usual latté.
* Swap OJ for the real deal—one fresh orange.
* Trade a side of regular sausage for turkey.
* Top your waffles with Reddi-wip instead of syrup (or use sugar-free).
* Skip the whip on any Caribou Coffee 16-ounce drink.
* Eat your granola from a 4-ounce mug, not an 8-ounce bowl.
* Lose the Yoplait Thick & Creamy and have a Yoplait Fiber 1.
* Order pancakes, but hold the butter.
* Scramble together four egg whites instead of two whole eggs.
* Substitute nonfat cream cheese for regular on your bagel.

Cut 100 calories ... during dessert

* Stop eating when you hit the crust. The edges and bottoms of baked goods are especially caloric because they absorb the butter used to grease the pan.
* Fill your bowl with sorbet instead of ice cream—you can have an extra 1/2 cup of the former and still slash calories.
* Next time a cocoa craving hits, ditch the dish of chocolate ice cream (about 3/4 cup) for a Fudgsicle.
* Have sugar-free Jell-O instead of pudding. Better your nighttime treat jiggle than your thighs.
* Go ahead and have that piece of birthday cake—just scrape off the chocolate frosting first.
* Eat five meringue cookies instead of two chocolate chip ones.
* Pass on the à la mode and savor that brownie au naturel.
* Can the cone. Have your ice cream in a bowl.
* Top your dessert with 1/2 cup of fresh berries instead of 2 tablespoons of chocolate syrup.

Cut 100 calories ... at lunch

* Leave the Swiss cheese out of your sandwich.
* Slather your bread with mustard rather than mayo and save 80 calories per tablespoon.
* Pass up croutons at the salad bar.
* Use up to 10 pumps of ranch dressing spray instead of pouring 2 tablespoons from a bottle.
* Devour a slice of Pizza Hut cheese pan pizza instead of the meat lover's variety.
* Take your iced tea unsweetened.
* Reach for a Snapple raspberry white tea instead of a Snapple raspberry iced tea.
* Stuff chicken salad into a whole-wheat pita instead of between slices of multigrain bread.
* Make your burger turkey, not beef.
* Slurp minestrone soup instead of cream of anything.
* Go bunless—shed your hamburger roll.
* Use south-of-the-border savvy: Have a quesadilla made with two 6-inch corn, not flour, tortillas.
* Two or more pizza slices? Blot off the grease with a napkin.



Cut 100 calories ... in the kitchen

* Substitute nonfat Greek yogurt for a serving of sour cream.
* Use chicken broth (low-sodium is best) instead of oil to sauté meat and veggies.
* Making homemade mac 'n cheese? Cut 2 tablespoons of butter from the recipe.
* Replace the oil or butter in cakes with Sunsweet Lighter Bake prune-and-apple mixture or any brand of unsweetened applesauce.
* Next time you make meatballs, meatloaf, or burgers, go half-and-half with ground beef and turkey.
* When preparing packaged foods that call for butter or oil, like rice and stuffing, use a broth instead.
* Swap low-fat cottage cheese for whole-milk ricotta when you make lasagna or stuffed shells.
* Use tuna packed in water, not oil.

Cut 100 calories ... at happy hour

* Nurse a single glass of wine instead of downing two beers.
* Ask for your rum and cokes in a highball glass. Bartenders pour an average of 20 percent less liquid into taller tumblers, so you'll swig less per round.
* Drizzle extra hot sauce, not blue cheese or ranch dressing, on your wings.
* Ordering a cocktail? Make it on the rocks instead of frozen. Slushy fruit drinks tend to be made with bottled mixers that contain added sugar and syrups.
* Blending your own? Have a daiquiri, not a piña colada.
* Pop the cap off of an MGD 64 instead of a bottle of Killian's Irish Red.
* Sip a glass of water between drinks—pacing yourself can help you cut back by a glass or more.
* Dip your nachos in salsa rather than guacamole.
* For automatic portion control, sip wine from a Champagne flute, not an oversize goblet.
* Mix your vodka with Red Bull Sugarfree, not cranberry juice.

Cut 100 calories ... at the drive-thru

* Pass up a Wendy's baked potato with sour cream and chives and chow down on value fries instead. Amazing but true.
* Have a McDonald's cheeseburger instead of a Quarter Pounder with cheese.
* Downsize your drink: Trade a large fountain soda (with ice) for a medium.
* Go for grill marks. Order a flame-broiled chicken sandwich rather than one that's breaded (and usually fried in oil).
* Treat yourself to an ice-cream cone at McDonald's instead of Dairy Queen.
* Crunch on one Taco Bell regular taco instead of a Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco. And all the hot sauce you want.
* Slurp a cup of Panera Bread's low-fat chicken noodle soup instead of the cream of chicken with wild rice.
* Make your daily pick-me-up at Starbucks a skinny vanilla latté, not a regular.
* Skip the two packets of BBQ sauce—eat your burger and fries plain.

Cut 100 calories ... on your snack break

* Drink sparkling water instead of soda.
* Move your stash of Hershey's Kisses at least 6 feet away from your desk—you'll dip in half as often.
* Drain the heavy syrup from your can of fruit cocktail and then rinse the fruit with water before digging in.
* Have 1/2 cup of fresh grapes instead of that little snack box of raisins.
* Lay off the Lay's Classic potato chips and have a handful of Rold Gold pretzels.
* Munch on a bag of Orville Redenbacher's Smart Pop Kettle Korn, not Movie Theater Butter flavor.
* Chase down the ice-cream truck for a Good Humor vanilla sandwich, not a King Cone.
* Satisfy a crunch craving with baby carrots, not potato chips.

Cut 100 calories ... when you're not cooking

* Request the lemon chicken with white rice, not fried.
* Skip the crunchy noodles with your bowl of wonton soup.
* Ask for an order of Szechuan Shrimp instead of your usual General Tso's.
* Choose the pasta with 1/2 cup of marinara instead of 1/2 cup of Alfredo sauce.
* Indulge your inner carnivore with beef stroganoff, not meat lasagna.
* Go with the baked potato (butter only), not the mashed, as your side of choice.
* Dip your dinner roll in marinara sauce instead of olive oil.
* Avoid anything breaded. Flour and bread crumbs not only add calories but also absorb more cooking oil.
* Pop 12 pieces of sashimi and 1/3 cup of edamame, not 12 pieces of spicy tuna roll.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
Stranger: hey
You: hulllos
Stranger: i wanna fuck you in the nose
You: really>
Stranger: no
You: is that pleasurable?
You: ah...didnt think so
Stranger: no
You: although..i have never tried that
Stranger: lolzilla
You: once... a cock almost pojked my bellybutton
You: i am short
You: things happen sometimes
Stranger: lol
Stranger: yup
Stranger: poor you
You: showers can be scary places
Stranger: yea
Stranger: gym showers = dangerous
You: def if your dating a taller person
You: yes! but my school...a long time ago...had seperate shower stalls
You: so no akwardness there
Stranger: ok
You: ::shivers::
Stranger: no separate showers at my school
Stranger: big sausagefest ...
You: wouldnt wanna see all that and a bag of cheips on some of the nasties that went there
You: well...i am a woman...you see
You: no penis here
Stranger: i realisedl ol
You: and sorts
You: well thanks, some wouldnt
You: they would think i am merely a pedophile with a taste for coffee
You: and such
Stranger: haha XD
You: but thats not the case here
Stranger: how old are you
Stranger: i am 19
You: the case is... in a previous convo i had
You: i was cursed by an incan
Stranger: wtf lol
You: oh.. im 22
Stranger: ok
You: yes an apparently will die in 3 days
You: but i got it lifted for being humourous and mentioingkilling allama
Stranger: but curses over the interwebz are like chain letters, you can put them in your ass
You: llama
You: named sam
Stranger: wow lol
You: well,..i wouldnt want to stickthe laptop in my ass
You: i am not...i repeat,.,not
You: goatsie
Stranger: haha!
You: ....!!!
You: yes you get it
You: thanks
Stranger: youre funny
Stranger: i will now lift my curse on you
Stranger: .lool
You: thanks...thats what saved me from the curse
You: haha woots!!!
You: 2 curses lifted in one day
You: im on a freaking roll man
Stranger: holy grail!
You: !!! not dead yet!!
Stranger: yup!!!
You: lmfao i love not having to kill that llama
Stranger: haha omegle is a weird place
You: i know... this is my second convo
You: and already 2 curses set and lifted
You: i must spread the word of this
Stranger: lol
Stranger: spread it on 4chan O.o
You: and not get cursed again
You: well.. i found out site from stf_ongz
You: omgz*
You: in livejournal
Stranger: Please tell me you don't know what 4chan is
You: yes yes
You: im not 12
You: haha
Stranger: Oh no you know it :(
Stranger: Your mind is already corrupted now
You: well...goatsie...derrr
Stranger: You lost your 4chan virginity
You: well i saw a porno the other day
You: guy shoved his arm all the way upo another guys ass
You: until his armpit
You: so yes...im corrupted
Stranger: holy shit....
Stranger: thats fucked up
You: i know..at one point..he had one dude on each arm
You: like a ...fucking transporter dude wth ass weapon arms
You: may i spoil the ending for you? he gets it in the ass in a ...butterfly chair attached to ceiling
Stranger: what the fuck XD
You: ...people are strange when your a strander
You: aaah,,,, pornotube.com...
You: also reccomend pawgtube.com for other...more normal stuff
You: i look for the odd and strange
Stranger: lol
Stranger: And youre a woman right?
Stranger: thats kinda special :p
You: ive been so far that golem wouldnt follow me
You: thanks...yes a woman
Stranger: haha
Stranger: have you seen the video where a guy puts a bottle in his ass and the bottle breaks inside his anus
You: i highly reccomend livejouyrnal group wtf_omgz
You: nah.. but i have seen the one where he puts a jar on his prolapsed ass
You: there are other means of pleasure...but some are more different
You: but still the question is "why"
You: and not how... most of the time
Stranger: lol
Stranger: so
Stranger: what you do for a living
You: haha i serve people coffee for a living and watch people...
You: good times
You: free coffee for 8 hours a day
You: my dream job..until i am a libraran
You: serving boks for 8 hours a day and watching people
You: books*
You: hr,mmm.... they should have coffee makes in the library rooms right?
You: damn...
Stranger: lol
You: wtf...ill bring an extra one with me
You:
You: you know... you need a degree in library sciences? to become a librarian
You: its not as SIMPLE as some people would like
Stranger: hm hm
You: what doyou want to be later in life?
You: dont say goatsie
You: :)
Stranger: goatsi...errr i mean... Programmer
You: computer programer?
Stranger: yup
You: that is a very hard job to weasle your way into... you need references and experiance
You: omg.. i wish you allthe luck... knowing several languages wont help you...
You: have you started doing your own jobs on the side?
You: and getting some referneces?
Stranger: this winter
Stranger: not yet
You: >.<
You: make sure...
You: very important
You: ,...
You: dont quit your job or anything... until you get a really good...cement job,,,, for programming
You: my brother tried quiting his job
You: and failed hoirribly... there are so many people competing for a job
You: that you wont get noticed unless you can say you can wreck the world in one sweep
You: :'(
Stranger: :(
Stranger: anyway lol
You: sad right..
Stranger: im not sure yet hehe
Stranger: I wanna work with computers things for sure
You: well you are youngish..you have the whole world for your taking
Stranger: maybe videogames, maybe 3D animations i dunno yet
You: start working up a clientelle now
Stranger: so many things
You: and let epople know what your interseted in..theyll come to you for random jobs
Stranger: kk
You: you can put on resume
Stranger: yup
You: sorry...i have seenthe fallings of many a person who hasnt set the road for life
You: :D not you!!1
Stranger: lol
You: be the ball
Stranger: ok :)
You: lmfao
Stranger: Do you agree with this statement: The Internet killed television
You: yes and no
You: i can watch free tv on the interent
You: but if i hook my comp to my tv...i have a huge screen to watch things on
Stranger: lol
You: but i still like the bigger monitor...most comps dont have
Stranger: kk
You: but... i dont have children yet...but someday
You: do i really want them watching 4chan instead of cartoons?
You: hhaaha
Stranger: HELL NO
Stranger: omg...
Stranger: NEVER
You: going to all my fav sites and watching goatsie and tubgirl and meatspin
You: lemon party and charlie and the iunicorn
You: also..i dont believe in censoring...but i dont want them to watch that when they could./..should...be watching seamsame or whatever little ones watch these days
You: did you know... cookie monster is no loinger cookie monster?
You: but something like " sometimes monseter" or healthy monster"?
You: they have ruined him
You: your on wtf_omgz arent you?
Stranger: no
Stranger: im on 4chan :(
Stranger: and stupid censoring is stupid
You: exactly! i was a journalist at one point for one of the colleges i went to
You: fuck censoprship
You: knowledge...is the key that will open doors away from shit like ass-arm guy
Stranger: lol
You: well im going to leave you to 4chan...and check out 4 chan... :) remeber what i said... work up clientelle and keep a tight resume
Stranger: ok
You: dont be a goatsie
Stranger: no i wont :O
You: :) goodluck!!!
You: hhahaa byes
Stranger: you too :D
Stranger: hey
Stranger: wait
You: yeah
Stranger: whats this omg_thingy site
Stranger: whats the URL
You: www.livejournal.com
You: go to the group named .... wtf_omgz
You: craziest shit youll ever see
Stranger: its in french too lol
You: i think so
You: you speak french?
Stranger: yup
You: spanish ruined french for me
You: but i am french..so i surrender..
You: hahas
Stranger: Pauvre toi :(
You: join that group ok?
You: haha not sooo poor...i am somewhat english
Stranger: I dont even know how
You: do you have a lj acount
You: livejournal ?
Stranger: no
You: haha one sec
You: let me link you
You: http://community.livejournal.com/wtf_omgz/
You: go here..see if you can see the group
You: got it?
Stranger: yea
Stranger: and i saw prolapse shit
Stranger: ewwwwwwww
You: sometimes the comments are more funny then the pics
You: yeah! haha
You: oooh i corrupeted you!
You: hehehe
Stranger: damn you
You: haha come to the darkside..we have cookies
Stranger: http://www.efukt.com/20553_Orgasm_Ruined_By_Momma.html
You:
You: haha at least she knocked
Stranger: yup haha
You: gladly thaat has never happend to me
Stranger: http://www.efukt.com/20557_Anal_With_Constipated_Girlfriend.html omg this one is gross
You: did you know
Stranger: he just takes the shit with his fingers remove it and wipe on his cock
You: a common practice for pornos is to take a laxative and get it all out before shooting
?
Stranger: didnt know
Stranger: didnt need to know either >.<
You: these are the things i know...
You: thanks to wtf mwhahaa]
Stranger: :O
Stranger: well
Stranger: cya miss
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
You: are you down with the clown?
Stranger: 太疯狂 The inca curse. You will die in three days.
You: oh noes
Stranger: Oh yes
You: well...that sucks
You: now ill have to kill a llama
Stranger: Yeah I guess
You: for fun
You: will it helo?
You: help?
You: poor sam..never saw it coming....
Stranger: No. Only The one who cursed you can lift it.
You: how much can i drink i n 3 days,...
You: what if i should die before then?
You: will the curse then be nullified?
Stranger: The effect woukd wear off
Stranger: Would
You: what would happen to you then?
You: some backfire?
Stranger: Nah
You: bad juju?
You: lose some respect in your inca community?
Stranger: Yeah that one
You: damn...and if i live past three days?
Stranger: So plz dont
You: what then?
Stranger: You wont
You: but..say i do...
You: say i drink pomegrantet and llama juice
You: every thursday
You: and exersize reguraly
You: and learn to spell someday?
You: ...
Stranger: You would be the first and would therefore be The Boy Who Survived. You would get picked up by a giant and thrown to a school for wizardry and all that stuff
You: what if i was supposed to make the cure for cancer? or marry bob gates and make a cheap laptop that runs on coffee?
You: but i am a woman...you see....no penis here
Stranger: And you would have to kill a dark lord. You know who ^^
You: YES!!! the ents will surely help me
You: I hug them every monday
You: without a fail
You: sometimes i kiss them after naming them,...treebeard and such
Stranger: Aah you're funny :'D
You: thanks...is the curse lifted?
Stranger: Nop
You: haha you see... i wish to be a librarian someday
Stranger: Shut up
You: to be the keeper and keys of a library
Stranger: Want me to lift it?
You: yes
You: but chances are the llama will ill me in 4 days
Stranger: Then shut up plz. I have to concentrate
You: kill*
You: </talking>
Stranger: 太疯狂 The inca curse is hereby lifted. The cure will take effect in 1 to 2 weeks.
You: hahahah!!!!beaurocrats
You: i knew i would die by them
You: theyll have to write and sign and ship my lifted curse
Stranger: I just lifted it. ;o how u mean die
You: why they wouldnt even save their own grandmas
You: from a beasty
You: but...if i was to die in 3 days...inca curse
You: and the cure efect is in 1 to 2 weeks
You: why it doesnt add up
You: speed it up? next day delivery
Stranger: It doesn't. Its just not he way it works. So you will die anyway
Stranger: Good luck with that





!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

www.omegle.com rocks

I have many.

They will be surprised when I am not surprised when they tell me what I already know.

I notice I do not like walking on front of cars.
I have an irrational fear of bathrooms.
"" "" of kicking a skunk in the night time.

I love you puti

~~~~~Noose~~~~~~

A conflict within a storm
brewing until boiling.
Heat wrapped up in canvas shorts
he sits on his couch throne.
Among empty bottles and wrappers golden
he ponders the meaning of life.
He thinks of the last suicide attempt
when he gazes into blue eyes
and questions the life we're living
while dying in his minds eye.
Love fills the room-like a noose cut down.
Torn from innocence-
Torn from love-
Abandoned by all-
His secrets spill from thicken tongue in sleep.
Snores fill my brain
moans and grumbles.
Uncertainty abounds and leaps from lips moistened
from my kisses.
I promised to be faithful and true
to none other than him-
I expect no less from my lover-
I want him in my arms
not in the ground.
Not in any others arms
Not to give up.
I stole him away
I have given him everything I have.
To offer my hand in marriage is redundant-
I see love in his closed eyes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~May bees~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Blue shirts bring out brown eyes
Tigers eye against night.
A smile is born when I kiss that chin-
Love is felt between our skins.
Falling up into his heart
I can die-
I can die-
Maybe he'll cry for a month and move on.
Maybe I'll be easy to replace-
Comfort and love in anothers arm
While I lay in future life.
He would mourn me longer if I left alive-
Kill himself-even cry-
Bitterly cry-
Cry alone.
Death would hurt less
His life would go on.
I wouldn't leave him-
Love must conquer-
But death will come in time.
I will shake his hand and welcome it-
Just so my lover can find another
To love and hold-
Maybe she will be right for him
Hold him all night long.
Maybe she'll comment on his shirt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~Regret Sans~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Memories fade into black.
Past walks and talks go deaf.
That was not me ago
I did not do all that.
Like a caterpillar in purgatory
I am doomed to change into a butterfly
and back-until whenever.
I have few memories
of sights and trees.
I tell you again-
Those couldn't be me's.
I am of the present-
I can plan for the future
(although karma/god takes hold and I am alone)
I am oblivious to most of my past.
A couple childhood memories
Some good- most bad.
A quiet winter storm.
A brilliant summer BBQ.
My mom without a belly button
My dads removed tail.
Lies-all lies
These memories of mine.
I have no regrets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~Peace, my brother~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Peace, my brother
who from the cradle aimed
to disolve the world and words
spoken loudly across dinner ham
that once sang a lovely tune
in the merry month of October
or maybe December.
Life has only started
when the bell rang for it to end
but you didn't hear it-
for you are deaf.
Stolen CD's and books
that are now in my custody
but you don't realize
for you are blind as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~A Dance Has Developed~~~~~~~~~~~~

And do you still not care about this.
Do you still care about that.
Has life brought you down
Do smiles still make you frown?

A raccoon sits fixed to a fence
Dying inside- Crying like the sky
Has she seen what she's been searching for.
Does she make him want to smile?

Alone together they waste their days
Doing the impossible- the possible life.
He dines on sweets and she
Discovers the world in his eyes.

And the plan for marriage,kids,car,cat,house,dog
Dinner at six,breakfast upon wakening.
Hearth ablaze, cigarettes smoked.
Dying in time. Alone together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Now~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hush the silent protest
dying undercover.
Secret concentration camps
to which we shall be delivered.
Death- the answer we receive
dying over shores-
Many men fall to their knees
never to see again.
We fail as they fall.
They fail as we fall
into a depressed recession.
Our money's no good.
Our people are starving
dying undercover.
Living within earshot of
Presidents high tower.
Mayhem,death,stolen wealth.
Dirty pigs with hairy tongues.
Rabid mutts on street corners begging for a dime.
Men who choose wine over food.
Women who multiply for money.
Government spending
We are in a recession-
nothing adds up-
We are subtracting life from living.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Autumn~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Slowly-
As the leaves turn.
Garbage cans burn
smells of autumn.
Tastes so stale.
Candy freshness
Candid hope.
Winter approaches.
The land reborn.
Leaves fall.
Crunch underfoot.
Houses are starting to fill with soot.
Lovers cuddle
in bed sheets of quilt.
The time approaches
the wintery blankness
covers up human existence.
Bells can be heard
and children are singing
-Autumn is born again.-



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~Normality~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This is not normal.
People killing people overseas
while families fight behind walls.
Strangers listening to the screams
while shattered bottles
like worthless diamonds
get stepped on.
We are fighting for nothing.
We are yelling at nothing.
We are dying.
There is no point-
-no point-
to fighting.
Peace is like an idea never realized.
How can a country find peace
while families are fighting inside.
How can people find peace
while our country men are dying outside.
How can this end?
How can this stop?
It never will.
Normality will never be reached.
When death and murder win over
Peace and quiet--the world is already over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~`Alone in crowds(song)~~~~~~~~~~~~


By myself in front of eyes
my future unsecured
my past full of lies.

I want to wander in the trees
I want to dip toes in the seas
I want to be myself and be free
All alone in front of eyes.

I want to be who I am
I want to be featherless
I want to feel my best
All alone in front of eyes.

Be with me- one of many
sit with me and please me by
Lie with me in desert storms
be alone with me in front of eyes.

See things that pass us by
Breath the fumes- they're gone too soon
Be the one to hold my hands

All alone in front of eyes
All alone with you inside
All alone please take me home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~Butterflies~~~~~~~

Thoughts soaring high
constrained in this cocoon blue moon.
I change like the stars
I fly as high as shooters-
-Greed!-
Music tastes change
Implanted memories in tunes of old.
Finding truth in words
and words for truth.
Honesty only applies to spoken words.
Written transcribes
lies.
Ask me the right questions
so I can shed this silken cage
Fly free with the brave
and become what I really am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to be continued.

Anorexic people don't consume much food(or any food) So they aren't using resources everyone else is using.
Homeless men collect cans and bottles and recycle them.

These two oddballs help this Earth...even if they don't realize this. Even if most people don;t realize this. I do.

Thank you.

I don't think that I have it in me to be in a relationship. I am a very fucking jealous person with a kind heart.
I am terrified that the one person I love will leave me for someone better, because honestly, I am not deserving of a a good relationship. I am fucking worried to the point of tears that Puti will leave me. And the sad part is...I think he would be better off without me. Maybe I should just leave. He will be happier and find someone better than me.
I have tried to better myself and I have been faithful and honest with him. I don't feel like putting in 100% into a relationship just to have us fail. But I always do put in 100% and they always fail.

The world would be better without me. I am constantly reminded of this. Well I am off tomorrow...I will find a store that sells rope. I also have to get veggy food because I am a vegetarian again. Puti doesn't know. He wouldn't understand. After a while I hope never to eat again. I realize I am wasting the worlds resources. Sorry, Earth; I was never meant to be here.

SOMEWHERE~ SOUNDGARDEN

I wish a wish I dream to dream
I try to try and I live to live
And die to die and I cry to cry
But I know why

I wish to wish and I dream to dream,
I try to try, and I live to live,
And die to die, and I cry to cry,

Somewhere in my dreams
Although things that should
Still the willow weeps
On roses for the dead
In laughs of love

From the likes of her
To time of me
Like to moon to earth
And the sky to sea
Only were no longer
Allowed to be, to be

Somewhere in my dreams
Of those who should
Live in all the keeps
Echo all the worlds
In laughs of love

For times that pass my life
I'll search for the sky
That she wonders by

Somewhere in the dreams
That the skies hold
Still the willow weeps
On roses for her bed
In laughs of love

Somewhere in the dreams
That the skies hold
Still the willow weeps
On roses for her bed
In laughs of love